She’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s a winner – she’s a lady!

On the 10th day of December 2003, by the pen of Lord Shelley of Cornwall, commoner Julia Morris was legally conferred with the title of ‘Lady of the Manor of Gosforth’.

Whilst the new noble title was not bestowed by the Queen or inherited through generations, it was, to follow another great British tradition, bought.* (An idea inspired by Australia’s doyenne of TV journalism, Sydney Morning Herald’s very own Michael Idato – not only Australia’s sharpest TV reviewer but also expert on all things royal and heraldic.)

A sum of money changed hands in cyberspace and two weeks later a large envelope of documents arrived, just in time for Christmas Day.  The envelope included all sorts of official-looking bumf and certificates welcoming Lady Julia to the nobility and, perhaps most importantly, several pages of important advice on how to use her powerful new title.

Of course, heraldry, genealogy  and Ladyhood are hobbies to be practiced for fun and that’s one thing ‘Lady Julia’ is having plenty of.  “Being encrusted just demystifies the whole British aristocracy thing for me. It’s really unreal being a Lady!”

*The title was bought on the internet as a Christmas present for Julia, from her fiancé (now husband) Dan. Unfortunately, in his haste to buy the best surprise, Dan mis-spelt the real name of Julia’s hometown, which is actually called Gosford.

How to use your fake title responsibly

It really is a great responsibility joining the British Elite. Here’s a list of Do’s and Don’ts of how to use your new title:

DO beware. Many people will be jealous of your elevated new social position (British people, mostly.)

DON’T use your title to try and vote into the House of Lords. For some reason they don’t accept internet ones as proof of true nobility.

DO try and blag as many upgrades and freebies as possible in hotels and airplanes.

DON’T use the title inappropriately by raising money for charitable causes. There are plenty of untrustworthy charlatans around waiting to take advantage of your good name. You are much better advised to use the title inappropriately raising money for yourself.

DO encourage your friends to bow and curtsy. This will give them a feeling of responsibility and belonging. (Contrary to popular opinion, most people really do like to know their place in society.)